Why you’re not meant to feel happy all the time
Stop chasing nonstop happiness and start embracing life.
Do you think you’re supposed to be happy all the time?
Do you think something’s wrong with you if you’re not?
Do you think everyone else is happier than you?
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A lot of people believe happiness is our natural state. If you’re one of them, it makes sense that you expect to feel happy most of the time. When you’re not, it can feel like something’s wrong. So you try to figure it out, to fix whatever’s off. But when the sadness or frustration won’t go away, it’s easy to start thinking something’s wrong with you. That thought only deepens the unhappiness.
You might hide your unhappiness because you don’t want anyone to think something’s wrong with you. So you smile when people are around and post cheerful photos online. “Look how happy I am.” But everyone else is doing the same thing. And that can leave you feeling like you’re the only one who isn’t happy.
Happiness isn’t the natural state for humans. You’ve evolved to survive and reproduce, not to feel happy all the time. If you were always happy, you wouldn’t stay alert to danger. Feelings like fear and stress exist to keep you aware of threats to your safety and well-being. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling unhappy sometimes. You don’t need to fix yourself or push those feelings away. Unhappiness is part of being human. It’s built into your biology. It’s not a flaw. It’s a sign that your mind is working as it should.
All you need to do is let go of the idea that you should always be happy. That belief only makes you fight a battle you can’t win. It turns you against your own human nature.
We didn’t evolve to be happy all the time
Our minds didn’t evolve to be happy all the time. Over millions of years, the need for survival, not happiness, shaped us. Our ancestors’ minds paid more attention to danger than to reward. They stayed connected to their tribe and worked to gather what they needed. Unpleasant feelings helped them adapt, improve, and survive. Constant happiness would have made them less alert and more vulnerable.
For more on this, see We didn’t evolve to be happy all the time
Your mind can’t feel nonstop happiness
Our minds evolved to notice danger, rejection, and scarcity. Even in today’s safer world, we still react as if every threat could harm our survival. We replay worst-case scenarios, worry about how others see us, and keep chasing more. The result is stress, anxiety, and a constant sense that something’s missing. When we recognize this mismatch, we can start noticing these patterns and responding with more awareness.
For more on this, see Your mind can’t feel nonstop happiness
How to feel happy more often
Negative feelings are part of life. Things will go wrong, and people will upset us. But often, we make our suffering worse by how we respond to those feelings. When we accept that happiness isn’t constant and see negative emotions as natural and temporary, the pain becomes lighter. The techniques below can help you feel happy more often.
⚒️ Stop trying to be happy
Instead of resisting your feelings to force happiness, let them be. Fighting them only makes them stronger and longer-lasting. When you accept a feeling, it usually passes on its own. Most feelings come and go quickly if you don’t block them. If a difficult feeling lingers, treat it as a signal to take action, like a warning light on a car dashboard.
For more on this, see
🔗 When did you find yourself in a spiral of difficult feelings today?
🔗 How to ease the grip of unpleasant feelings
⚒️ Reframe your perspective
When a way of looking at things makes you feel stuck or upset, try shifting to a more helpful view. For example, instead of seeing a challenging situation as certain failure, see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Changing how you interpret events can lessen the hold of negative feelings.
For more on this, see
🔗 What else could this mean to you?
🔗 What do you want this to mean?
⚒️ Fulfill your basic psychological needs
Your happiness depends on how well your core psychological needs are met. These include feeling some control over your life, feeling capable in what you do, and feeling connected to others. Notice which of these needs might be lacking and find small ways to meet them each day. You have the power to take charge of your own happiness.
For more on this, see
🔗 What will you choose for yourself today?
🔗 What will you practice today?
🔗 Who will you connect with today?
⚒️ Act despite what you feel
When difficult feelings arise, it’s natural to act on them. But your feelings don’t have to control your actions. You can choose a different path. For example, when you feel anxious, you might want to avoid a task, but you can move forward anyway. You might feel low or unmotivated, and still choose to show up and do what matters. Even in tough moments, you can act in ways that align with your purpose and values.
For more on this, see Act despite what you feel
Additional tips
👉 Practice gratitude: Take a moment each day to notice what you’re grateful for. It can be something small, like a good cup of coffee or a kind word from someone. Focusing on what’s going well can help balance out negative thoughts.
👉 Do something kind for someone else: Small acts of kindness, like holding the door open or sending a thoughtful message, can lift your mood and strengthen your sense of connection.
👉 Move your body: Physical activity doesn’t need to be intense. A short walk, some stretching, or even dancing in your living room can boost your mood and release endorphins.
👉 Pause and breathe: When you feel stressed or overwhelmed, take a few deep breaths. Just a moment of focused breathing can reset your mind and ease anxiety.
👉 Limit social media: Social media can magnify negative feelings. Taking breaks or setting limits helps prevent feeling drained or comparing yourself to others.
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Happiness isn’t a constant state we’re meant to maintain. It’s something we experience in moments. By accepting our natural range of emotions and focusing on what truly matters, we can build a life that feels more fulfilling and balanced. Embrace the ups and downs, and take actions that reflect your purpose and values, because that is where real happiness comes from.
References
Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari
The happiness trap, by Dr Russ Harris
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson
You Aren't Built to be Happy, Psychology Today, by William Berry, LMHC., CAP., https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201907/you-arent-built-be-happy
You Are Not Meant to Be Happy, Psychology Today, by Rafa Euba, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/you-are-not-meant-be-happy/202102/you-are-not-meant-be-happy
Humans aren’t supposed to be eternally happy, so why do we continue to force it?, The Independent (UK Edition), by Rafael Euba, https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/mental-health-condition-happiness-worry-happy-sadness-a9027381.html
Stop Trying to Be Happy, by Mark Manson, https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy
