Your mind can’t feel nonstop happiness
Your mind prioritizes threats, social rejection, and what you lack.
For millions of years, we lived as hunter-gatherers in tight-knit groups, navigating a dangerous and unpredictable environment. That life made our minds focus more on danger than rewards, avoid rejection from the group, and secure the resources we needed to survive. Though our environment has changed drastically, our minds are still rooted in the past, constantly scanning for threats and sorting experiences as safe or dangerous, helpful or harmful, good or bad.
We tend to focus more on the negative than the positive, and negative events affect us more deeply and linger longer. Unlike our ancestors, many of us no longer face predators or venomous animals. But today’s dangers feel just as threatening. We worry about missing deadlines, losing income, falling behind on mortgage payments, or getting sick or injured. Because these threats last much longer than ancestral dangers, they leave us feeling anxious and stressed. We find ourselves replaying worst-case scenarios that are unlikely to happen.
Unlike our ancestors, many of us no longer face life-or-death consequences if excluded from a group. But social threats still feel just as real. We feel the pain of rejection from coworkers who don’t like us, a date who turns us down, being left out of a party by friends, or criticism from others. We may even interpret ambiguous social situations, such as someone not greeting us or failing to respond to a text, as rejection. We can lie awake at night, worrying about what others might think of us.
We are always on the lookout for more: more money, a better job, more vacations, a bigger house, or a nicer car. We focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do. Comparing ourselves to those who have more makes what we have feel even less satisfying. When we get something we want, the satisfaction fades quickly, and soon enough, we’re chasing the next thing. This constant striving leaves us restless, frustrated, and never quite satisfied, and it can distract us from appreciating the present.
Your mind is like a vigilant guard dog, reacting to every small sound as if it’s a real threat. It leaves you feeling stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction far more often than modern life calls for. Recognizing this mismatch can help you notice these patterns and respond more consciously.
