Do your values support the life you want?
Test your values for a stronger life foundation.
Some personal values are more useful than others for building the life you want and becoming the person you want to be. To see if a value is helpful, test it against the criteria below. If it falls short, notice how it shapes your life and relationships. If it doesn’t support the life you want, consider letting it go.
Assessing your values is like checking the foundation of a house. If the foundation is shaky, cracks will show up everywhere and it won’t stand for long.
👉 The value must be grounded in reality
If a value isn’t grounded in reality, it sets you up to fight against it, and that’s a battle you’ll never win. Aiming to be happy all the time isn’t a helpful value. You weren’t built for constant happiness. Chasing it can actually make you feel less happy. The same goes for wanting everyone to like you or needing everything you do to be perfect. Life just doesn’t work that way.
👉 The value must be constructive
Choose values that have a positive effect on you, on others, or both. Aggression doesn’t qualify because it’s destructive. It harms others, strains relationships, and often turns small problems into bigger ones. The same goes for spite. It might feel satisfying for a moment, but it usually creates more conflict instead of resolving it.
👉 You must be able to fully control the value
A value you can’t fully control makes your happiness depend on things outside yourself. Wanting to be popular isn’t helpful because you can’t control what others think. The same goes for wanting to be famous or rich, since those depend on outside factors too. You only have full control over values that come from within, like honesty, creativity, and integrity.
👉 You must be willing to pay the price that comes with living the value
A value only works if you’re willing to pay the price that comes with living it. Being authentic might upset or annoy some people. Staying physically fit means committing to regular exercise. Being healthy could mean cutting back on alcohol and getting more sleep. The question is, are you willing to pay that price?
👉 The value must be truly your own
A value is only helpful if it comes from you, not from what others expect or admire. Borrowed values can pull you in directions that don’t feel right. You might say you value ambition because everyone around you does, even if what you really want is balance or creativity. Choose values that reflect what matters most to you, not what earns approval.
Putting it into practice
Review each of your values. Test if it meets all five criteria.
👉 If it doesn’t, notice how it affects your life and relationships. For example, needing everyone to like you can leave you people-pleasing and exhausted. Always needing to be perfect can make you procrastinate or create tension with others. If a value doesn’t serve you, consciously stop acting on it. Notice what needs that value is trying to meet, and find a healthier one that meets them better. For example, the need to be liked might come from wanting connection, which you can meet more effectively through kindness or honesty instead of people-pleasing.
👉 If it does, consider how fully you are living in line with it. If you want to strengthen that alignment, start small by choosing one specific action that expresses the value. For example, if honesty is a key value, you might commit to speaking up in one meeting where you normally stay quiet. If kindness is a key value, you could intentionally reach out to a friend to offer support. Consistently acting on your values strengthens them and shapes the kind of person you become.
Taking the time to test your values is like inspecting the foundation of your life. Strong values give you stability and direction. Weak ones create cracks that eventually show up everywhere. Build on the right foundation, and your life will stand steady and strong.
Quick checklist
👉 Grounded in reality
👉 Constructive for self or others
👉 Fully within your control
👉 Worth the price it requires
👉 Truly your own
