Don’t idealize paths not taken
Focus on your reality instead of what might have been.
Every choice we make closes off alternative possibilities. Saying yes to one path means saying no to others. We can commit to a job or a relationship, move to a new city, decide not to start our own business, or break up with someone we care about. These choices can shape a large part of our lives, but we never know exactly how the chosen options will turn out.
When, after some time, we feel unfulfilled by a choice we made, we might start idealizing the roads not taken. Thoughts could come to mind such as "If only I had started my own business, I would be much happier now" or "If only I hadn’t broken up with them, my life would have been so much better. " Comparing our life to an imagined one that never existed can make it feel more unsatisfying than it actually is and lead to regret rooted not in reality, but in the stories we tell ourselves about what could have been.
Idealizing paths not taken is like being on a trail in the woods and imagining that the other paths you could have chosen are easier, without knowing the obstacles on those paths.
Due to the complexity of life and its unpredictable nature, we’re usually bad at evaluating options we didn’t take. Though we might picture them as better, those choices could easily have led to disappointment instead. Starting our own business might not have succeeded, or the person we broke up with might not have been a good match. Almost nothing in life ever works out exactly as we picture it.
Focus on your life as it is, not the paths you didn’t take. Curiously examine the important areas of your life, such as your relationships, work, personal growth, and sense of autonomy. Reflect on whether these areas align with your needs, values and purpose. Notice which areas are working and which could be improved. Then take action, like reaching out to someone you’ve lost touch with or learning a new skill that challenges you. Doing this keeps your feelings, decisions, and actions grounded in reality instead of in “what ifs.”
Focus on the life you have, take deliberate action, and let the paths you didn’t take stay in the past.
