What do you really want?
How one question can lead you to what matters most.
When you’re about to set a goal or give in to a bad habit, pause and ask:
🤔 What do I really want?
Uncover your true motivation, consider other ways to meet it, and choose the one you think will work best.
To live a fulfilling and meaningful life, we need to understand what we truly want. This often differs from what we think we want. We tend to chase goals, but the goals themselves aren’t the ultimate desire. What matters is how reaching a goal changes how we feel and what we can do. Goals are just tools to fulfill deeper needs. For example, we might believe we want to get married, but what we really seek is a deep connection with a partner. Or we might think we want to become a millionaire, but what we truly desire is a sense of financial security.
The same applies to bad habits like smoking or drinking sugary drinks. We don’t want the habit itself; we want the feeling it gives us. We don’t want to smoke; we want to feel relaxed. We don’t want sugary drinks; we want to feel refreshed.
Achieving goals and giving in to bad habits are like taking medicine. We do not want the medicine itself, but we want to become better.
To uncover what we really want, we can take a goal or habit and ask “why” several times. Why do I want to lose 10 pounds? Why do I smoke? We keep asking “why” after each answer until we reach something that feels core to who we are, a fundamental value or basic need that no longer needs questioning. For example: I want to see my grandchildren grow up. I want to feel relaxed.
We can fulfill real wants in many ways. A specific goal or habit is only one option, and it might not be the best. Once we uncover the underlying why, we open the door to other ways to meet that desire and choose the one we think will work best. If we struggle to reach a goal or dismantle a habit, knowing our real want helps us find better ways to meet it.
Before moving forward, ask yourself:
🤔 What do I really want?
Let this question guide your next steps and lead you toward what matters most.
