Hold your thoughts lightly
Create mental distance from unhelpful thoughts.
Our thoughts shape how we feel and what we do. Some are based on beliefs that make us feel bad or hold us back from doing what matters. When that happens, it helps to hold those thoughts more lightly by creating some mental distance from them. Using the techniques below will help you see thoughts as just words passing through your mind. You’ll notice that thoughts aren’t always true or important, and you can choose which ones to take seriously. This helps you respond to your thoughts with clarity and purpose.
Holding thoughts lightly is like watching clouds drift across the sky. You don’t grab them; they just pass and dissolve. It’s also like leaves floating down a stream. You don’t catch them; you just watch them go.
You can’t learn to swim by only reading about it. You need to practice to get better. The same goes for the techniques below: if you only read about them, they won’t help much. Try each one for a few days whenever an unhelpful thought comes up. See if it helps you take the thought a bit less seriously. This will show you which techniques work for you. After using a technique, let the thought come and go without stressing about it. Changing how you respond to thoughts takes time, so don’t expect quick results.
Try these techniques to take your thoughts less seriously.
👉 Preface your thought with “I am having the thought that…” Instead of “I am socially awkward,” say “I am having the thought that I am socially awkward.” This helps you notice that it’s a thought, not a statement of fact.
👉 Name your thought, like the “socially awkward” thought. When it pops up, quietly acknowledge it: “Here’s the ‘socially awkward’ thought again!” This helps you treat the thought as an object to observe, so it doesn’t automatically control how you feel or act.
👉 Turn your thought into a question. Instead of “I should always be kind,” think “I should always be kind?” This makes you question the truth of the thought.
👉 Thank your mind for the thought, since it’s just trying to keep you safe. If the thought “I’m going to embarrass myself” shows up, cheerfully say, “Thanks, mind!” or “Thanks, mind, I’ve got this.” This helps you notice the thought as your mind’s way of protecting you, without letting it control what you do.
👉 Quietly sing the thought to yourself to the tune of a cheerful song, like “Happy Birthday” or “Happy” from Despicable Me 2. This helps you notice the thought without taking it too seriously.
👉 Silently say the thought a few times in a funny voice, like Bugs Bunny or SpongeBob, or in a film character’s voice, like Gollum. This helps you notice the thought without taking it seriously or letting it control you.
👉 We all have an inner critic who is trying to protect us by pointing out our flaws and worrying about what could go wrong. Give it the name of a friendly but critical figure, such as a real person, a cartoon character, or a film character. For example, you might call it “Uncle Harry”, “Eeyore”, or “Severus Snape.” When it speaks, acknowledge it by name: “Oh, <inner critic name> is being negative again.” This helps you observe the inner critic without taking its words as truth.
👉 Imagine your thoughts as clouds, floating across the sky. Let them drift by without judgment or getting caught up in them. Notice them as passing events rather than identifying with them, which helps you create distance and become an observer instead of a participant. Focus on what you’re doing, and when your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the task at hand.
Thoughts will keep coming, but creating a bit of distance lets you stay present and focus on what really matters.
Additional tips
👉 Start small. Practice one technique at a time for a few days rather than trying them all at once. This helps you notice which ones work best for you.
👉 Be consistent. Use the techniques whenever an unhelpful thought arises. Repetition helps them become natural habits.
👉 Pair with breathing. Taking a slow breath before a technique can increase calm and mental distance.
👉 Be kind to yourself. When you get caught up in a thought, gently acknowledge it and try again.
👉 Reflect afterward. After using a technique, notice how it influenced your reaction. This reinforces learning.
Related articles
You might find these two related articles helpful:
🔗 How to hold your self-stories lightly
References
The happiness trap, by Dr Russ Harris
