Question your thoughts
Break free from thoughts that hold you back.
Our thoughts shape how we feel and what we do. Some are built on opinions that make us feel bad or keep us from what matters. When that happens, we can question them using Byron Katie’s four questions and turnaround technique.
Some unhelpful thoughts target others: “He should know what I need without me saying it,” “If she really cared, she wouldn’t act like that,” or “I’d be happier if she changed.” Others turn inward: “I’m just not good enough,” “I shouldn’t feel like this,” or “I can’t make friends easily.” Some focus on life or situations: “Life is too hard,” “This shouldn’t be happening to me,” or “The world shouldn’t be so unfair.”
Questioning your thoughts is like cleaning a foggy window. You suddenly see clearly what was hidden before.
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To illustrate the method, imagine the thought “I’m just not good enough” is weighing you down and limiting what you do. Answer the following four questions:
🤔 Is it true? Consider moments when the idea that you’re not good enough doesn’t hold up, such as finishing a project successfully, receiving appreciation from a friend, or overcoming a challenge you didn’t think you could handle. After noticing these moments, answer with either “yes” or “no.”
🤔 Can you absolutely know that it's true? If your answer to the first question is “yes,” ask yourself whether you can know it with absolute certainty. This question goes deeper than the first: it challenges not just the thought itself, but your absolute belief in it, helping you notice assumptions or exceptions you might have overlooked. We often hold thoughts as true without seeing all the evidence. Take a moment to reflect: are there times or circumstances that contradict this belief? After considering this, answer with either “yes” or “no.”
🤔 How do you react when you think that thought? Notice how it makes you feel, for example stressed, anxious, or tense, and whether it leads you to act in ways that hold you back. With the thought “I’m just not good enough,” you might shrink from taking risks, hesitate to share your ideas, or avoid situations where you could succeed. This can stop you from noticing evidence that you are, in fact, good enough.
🤔 Who would you be without the thought? Imagine how you’d feel and act if you believed you were good enough. You would speak up more confidently, take on challenges you’ve been avoiding, or approach new opportunities with curiosity instead of fear. You would feel lighter, more capable, and more authentic with yourself and others.
After answering the questions, turn the original thought around by thinking the opposite: “I’m good enough.” If that feels too strong, use a situational version: “Sometimes I am good enough.” If your thought is about someone else, like “He never listens to me,” flip it to the opposite: “He always listens to me,” or turn it toward yourself: “I never listen to him,” or even “I never listen to myself.”
Consider whether the turnaround thought feels less true, equally true, or even more true for you than the original thought. Look for examples in your life where the turnaround thought seems true.
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After going through this process, you may notice that the original thought loses its power, you feel less weighed down, and you see yourself, others, or situations more clearly. You might be more open to acting in ways that support what truly matters, though this doesn’t always happen immediately or in every case.
Additional tips
👉 For more detailed instructions, see: Question your unhelpful thoughts: Loving What Is
👉 Write down your thoughts. Write down unhelpful or stressful thoughts to make them easier to examine. Seeing them on paper lets you step back and evaluate the thought more clearly.
👉 Start small. Practice the method with simple, everyday thoughts before tackling bigger, more emotionally charged ones. For example, “I always mess up emails” or “I shouldn’t ask for help.” This builds confidence and skill over time.
👉 Make it a habit. Regularly questioning your thoughts helps you notice patterns and gradually reduces the power of unhelpful beliefs.
👉 Share with a friend. Talking through the process with someone you trust can reveal new perspectives and reinforce your insights.
👉 Be patient. Changing the impact of deeply held thoughts takes time. Some thoughts may shift quickly, while others require repeated practice and reflection.
References
Loving what is; by Byron Katie (with Stephen Mitchell)
