See your thoughts from the outside
Create space from your thoughts to ease their grip.
Unhelpful thoughts can take over how we feel and act. For example, thinking “I always mess things up” can make us feel anxious and avoid challenges. Or thinking “I’m boring” can make us feel self-conscious, withdraw from conversation, and miss opportunities to connect. Self-talk is the verbal layer of these thoughts, the sentences we “say” to ourselves in our minds. These thoughts often reflect deeper beliefs we hold about ourselves or the world.
Seeing ourselves from an outside observer’s viewpoint lets us step back and create emotional distance from these thoughts and self-talk. From this perspective, if Johnny is having those thoughts, they might appear as, “Johnny thinks he always messes things up” or “Johnny thinks he is boring.” It is as if someone else were experiencing these thoughts and we are simply watching their mind without judging or trying to fix it.
This psychological distance helps us see the situation more clearly, unclouded by difficult emotions. From this viewpoint, we can ask how an outside observer might interpret the situation and what they might do next. It lets us recognize our thoughts as just words passing through our minds, not necessarily true. With this awareness and insight, the “I always mess things up” thought no longer controls us, letting us face challenges calmly, while the “I’m boring” thought loses its hold, letting us engage with others confidently.
Seeing your thoughts from the outside is like sitting in a theater, watching a play unfold on stage. You observe the actors, your thoughts and self-talk, without becoming part of the drama.
The same outside-view approach works for decisions. A thought like “I have to do what is best for me” can be reframed as, “Amy has to do what is best for her.” Similarly, “I must say yes to this request” can become, “Amy thinks she must say yes to this request.” This distance reduces emotional intensity, helping us evaluate our choices with clarity and act with greater perspective.
With practice, the outside-view perspective becomes second nature. We catch unhelpful thoughts and self-talk as they arise, step outside them, and choose how to respond. This builds resilience, improves decisions, and helps us act in line with what matters most.
