Loosen who you think you are
See yourself in ways that survive changing circumstances.
We often define ourselves by a single role that seems central to who we think we are. Some roles are based on abilities or accomplishments, like “I’m a pianist” or “I’m a soccer player.” Others depend on circumstance, such as “I’m a student” or “I’m an employee.” And some roles are tied to recognition or status, like “I’m a bestselling author” or “I’m a famous actor.”
These roles all rest on conditions that can change. A pianist or a soccer player can suffer a career-ending injury. A student can end their studies, and an employee can lose their job or retire. A bestselling author can stop selling books, or a famous actor can fall out of the public spotlight. When these kinds of roles disappear, we may suddenly find ourselves asking, “Who am I without this role?” This can leave us feeling lost, unsure of what to do next, or anxious about how things will turn out without the role.
Identifying with a single role is like putting all our eggs in one basket. If it is lost, they are all gone.
One way to avoid being shaken by the loss of a role is to define ourselves in more flexible terms. We can focus on our abilities, purpose, values, or interests. For example, a pianist might say, “I’m someone who is creative and disciplined,” and an employee might see themselves as, “I’m someone who solves problems and learns quickly.” When we now lose a role, it isn’t tied to our identity, so we are less likely to struggle emotionally. Defining ourselves this way helps us adjust when circumstances change. We can explore roles that align with our strengths and values, discovering new ways to contribute and grow. A flexible sense of self not only helps us handle the loss of a role but also opens the door to growth and new possibilities.
If your identity is defined by a single role, start seeing yourself in more flexible ways so you can adapt, grow, and navigate change with confidence.
