Do the opposite of your unhelpful urges
Break free from patterns that hold you back.
Is your mind steering you away from what matters? It tends to favor comfort and safety over effort and growth, even when doing so holds us back. We scroll through social media instead of tackling a challenging task, or avoid a difficult conversation that might resolve a lingering problem.
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We often avoid uncomfortable but meaningful things because they trigger unpleasant feelings, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, or rejection. This strengthens the feelings, narrows our lives, and reinforces unhelpful beliefs about ourselves. Isolating ourselves because we feel lonely deepens the loneliness. Skipping a party because we feel unlovable reinforces the thought that nobody loves us. Staying in bed all day because we feel sad keeps us from living fully. Canceling plans because we feel anxious feeds the anxiety instead of testing it against reality. Avoiding social situations because we fear rejection prevents us from forming meaningful connections.
Our minds evolved to keep us safe, not to help us grow. For our ancestors, avoiding discomfort often meant staying alive in a dangerous world. Pull back. Stay close. Don’t take risks. But in the world we live in now, the same urges often misfire. They steer us toward comfort and short-term relief, even when they lead us to avoid experiences that build competence, deepen connections, and create meaning.
We don’t have to follow these unhelpful urges, because we can control our actions. Doing the opposite of them is often what moves us forward. When feeling lonely, reach out to a friend. When feeling unlovable, show up to a party. When feeling sad, get up and do something meaningful. When feeling anxious, go to a planned activity and face the discomfort. When fearing rejection, step into social situations to test fear against reality. It doesn’t feel easy at first, but small, consistent acts of bravery reshape the patterns that hold us back.
Doing the opposite is like rowing against a strong current. It’s hard work, but it carries you toward where you want to go.
The success of doing the opposite lies in taking action, not in the result. Whatever happens, feel good about taking a step beyond your comfort zone despite the fear. Each contrarian experience teaches lessons and offers insights, helping us grow and do even better next time.
When an unhelpful urge appears, pause and ask, "Is this urge taking me where I want to go?" If not, ask, "What is the opposite of what I feel like doing right now?" Then take that opposite step and see what happens.
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Step back from your urges and do what moves you forward.
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