What would you say to a friend in this situation?
Choose kindness over harshness when you talk to yourself.
Whenever you catch yourself speaking harshly to yourself, pause and ask:
🤔 What would I say to a friend in this situation?
Then, talk to yourself that way instead.
When we mess up, fall short, or feel disappointed in ourselves, we often speak to ourselves in a harsh, critical way. Our inner voice criticizes us with unkind and hurtful words. For example, after making a mistake, we might tell ourselves, “I’m such an idiot. How did I mess this up again?” Or after a tough breakup, our inner voice might say, “No wonder it ended. Maybe I’m just not good enough.” We wouldn’t say these things out loud to others. Putting ourselves down doesn’t help us feel better or make progress. Instead, it often leaves us feeling inadequate, anxious, or insecure.
Being hard on ourselves is like having a coach or parent who only yells at us for mistakes and never cheers us on for the progress we make.
If a friend came to us in the same situation, we would respond very differently. We wouldn’t call them an idiot or say they’re not good enough. Instead, we would say, “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. The important thing is to learn from them and keep growing.” And to a friend hurting after a breakup, we would say, “Sometimes things just don’t work out, but that opens the door to something new.” Our tone would be warm, patient, and encouraging because we know a friend needs support, not hurtful criticism.
The way you see yourself begins to improve when you start talking to yourself like you would a friend. When your inner critic appears, pause and choose kind, encouraging words instead. This isn’t about dismissing mistakes. It is about turning harsh judgment into support that helps you grow. Over time, treating yourself like a friend eases stress, builds resilience, and turns your inner voice into an ally. Instead of pulling you down, it becomes the voice that lifts you up.
The next time you hear that critical voice inside, remember to ask yourself:
🤔 What would I say to a friend in this situation?
