Shift your focus from self-criticism to curiosity.
Do you often leave social interactions thinking they judged you poorly? If so, ask yourself:
🤔 What if people like me more than I realize?
Research shows we consistently underestimate how much others enjoy our company in social settings. This happens with strangers, coworkers, and casual acquaintances alike. Almost everyone experiences this liking gap. It’s not just social anxiety. We are hyper-aware of our behavior and quick to spot our flaws. Our natural negativity bias makes us fixate on perceived missteps like repeating ourselves, interrupting others, or displaying clumsy body language instead of noticing what we did well. We also overestimate how much others notice these moments, giving ourselves a harsher verdict than they do.
The liking gap fuels self-consciousness and social anxiety. We skip follow-ups, avoid conversations, or withdraw socially, assuming people won’t respond positively. That reduces connection, a core human need, and reinforces self-doubt. Over time, it skews our sense of social reality, making interactions feel harder, more stressful, and less enjoyable than they really are.
The liking gap is like an iceberg, where we obsess over the tiny awkward moments above the surface while ignoring the bulk of positive interaction below.
Close the gap by changing your approach:
👉 Focus on the other person. Watch their body language, ask questions, and listen actively.
👉 Accept missteps. Saying “um” too much, talking too fast, or forgetting someone’s name is human, so be gentle with yourself. One slip doesn’t define the interaction.
👉 Move forward. You can’t change the past, but you can learn and improve for next time.
Make every interaction about connection, curiosity, and engagement.
Further reflection
Use these prompts to review your interactions:
🤔 Are you obsessing over small mistakes?
🤔 Which positive moments did you overlook?
🤔 Are you assuming they don’t like you?
🤔 Where did you focus on yourself instead of them?
🤔 What would you do the same if this conversation happened again?
🤔 What can you learn to connect better next time?
🤔 How might they have experienced this interaction?
References
Why People Probably Like You More Than You Think, Psychology Today, by Joe Navarro, M.A.
