Talk less, listen more
Listen more to help children feel heard and deepen your understanding of them.
Do you talk more to your children than you listen? Reversing this can make them feel heard and help you understand them better.
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A child is excitedly telling a story about their day. Do we tend to interrupt them with a comment, opinion, or a story of our own? Or do we listen and let them lead the conversation? When they share that they are upset about something, do we tend to brush it off as minor and move on? Or do we acknowledge the feeling and give it space? And when they hesitate while telling a story about something that interests them, do we tend to launch into a story of our own? Or do we let them finish and invite them to tell us more?
Repeatedly interrupting, minimizing feelings, or taking over the conversation can leave children feeling unheard, misunderstood, or not taken seriously. They may start to speak less to us, shorten their stories, or stop sharing what matters to them. Over time, we become less in tune with them, create distance in our relationship, and they might end up with less confidence in expressing themselves and doubt whether their perspective counts.
By contrast, not interrupting, acknowledging feelings, and letting children finish can help them feel noticed, appreciated, and respected. They are more likely to speak to us, expand on their stories, and share what matters to them. Over time, we understand them better, strengthen our connection with them, and they may feel more self-assured in sharing their thoughts and trust the value of what they say.
Listening more and talking less starts with small, deliberate shifts in how we respond. When we feel the urge to jump in, we should pause and resist interrupting with a comment, opinion, or our own story. Let them finish, using brief silence and gentle eye contact to show that we are listening. We can reflect back what we hear: “That sounds frustrating,” or “You were really excited about that.” We can also ask open-ended questions that invite them to share more: “What happened next?” “How did that feel?” “Why was that important to you?” Stay curious and focus on helping them explore their own thoughts.
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When we talk less and listen more, we strengthen our connection and help them grow into someone who trusts their own voice.
