Stop judging what you feel
Avoid fighting your feelings by not labeling them good or bad.
Our minds tend to label feelings as good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, positive or negative. When we label a feeling as good, we want to experience it more. When we label it as bad, we try to avoid or get rid of it. But feelings aren’t inherently good or bad. They are the mind’s interpretation of sensations in the body, to make sense of our experience. A racing heart and tight chest can be interpreted as anxiety or excitement. Butterflies in the stomach can be seen as nervousness or anticipation. The sensations themselves are neutral; it’s the judgment that makes us see them as good or bad.
Feelings are signals that tell us what is happening around us, in our body, and what our physical and emotional needs might be. Anxiety can signal a challenge we need to face. Sadness can point to a loss of something we care about. Anger can indicate that a boundary has been crossed. Recognizing these signals helps us decide how to respond. We can respond to anxiety by preparing for the challenge, to sadness by reaching out for comfort or support, and to anger by speaking up. When we judge feelings as bad, we end up fighting or avoiding them, which keeps us from noticing what they are trying to tell us and taking helpful action.
Judging a feeling as bad is like calling a rainstorm "bad," which makes us try to fight it. We get wet and frustrated. Let it be, and we might still get wet, but not frustrated.
All judgments of good and bad are thoughts, mere words in your head. You can’t stop judging entirely, but you can reduce the impact of unhelpful judgments by creating some distance between yourself and them. This helps you step back from the judgment of the feeling and see it as it is. Try out the strategies below to see which ones work best for you:
👉 Add “I am making the judgment that…” When a judgment arises, instead of thinking “This anxiety is bad,” think “I am making the judgment that this anxiety is bad.”
👉 Say “Judging.” Quietly say “Judging” to yourself when a judgment arises as a way to release it.
👉 Ask a curious question. Instead of judging the feeling, ask: “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” Then pause and notice what arises without trying to fix it.
👉 Name the feeling. Focus on the emotion itself without judging it as good or bad. For example, “I notice anxiety” or “I notice anger.” This separates observation from evaluation and helps you respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically.
👉 Notice your body. Focus on the physical sensations that come with the feeling. For example, “My chest feels tight” or “My stomach is fluttering.” This grounds you in the experience and helps you stay present without adding judgment.
👉 Breathe mindfully. Focus on your breath to shift attention away from judgments and anchor yourself in the present. This breaks your attachment to the judgment and helps you respond more effectively.
👉 Use humor. Notice the judgment and play with it instead of taking it seriously. For example, if you think “I shouldn’t feel this way,” sing it to a happy tune or say it in a funny voice until it loses its grip.
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Judgments about our feelings are natural, but they don’t have to control us. By creating some distance from them, we can experience our feelings fully and avoid fighting them. The more we practice, the easier it becomes to see feelings as information rather than good or bad.
