Help less, wait more
Support trying things out rather than rushing to help.
Do you feel the urge to help when children get stuck trying something out? Don’t follow that urge, but pause instead and notice what happens.
✳️✳️✳️
A young child twists a puzzle piece in every direction, struggling to make it fit. Wanting to help, we lean over and place it in the correct spot for them. Or we step in when the child fumbles with the buttons on their jacket and fasten them ourselves. If we often rush to help, we cut short their experimenting, preventing the small trials and adjustments that teach them how things work. We take away the chance to build persistence, a skill that grows only when they struggle, try again, and keep going. And over time, they may start looking to us at the first sign of struggle, instead of continuing to try on their own. Clearly, if safety is at risk, we step in immediately.
Rushing in to help is like keeping the training wheels on a bike too long. The child stays upright, but they don’t practice the balance required to ride on their own.
The better approach is not to withhold help, but to delay it. Instead of stepping in right away, we stay nearby and observe. Are they still trying, adjusting, testing? As long as they are, we give them space to explore and solve the problem themselves. In that space, they experience that they can make progress on their own and that struggle is part of the process. Often, the biggest breakthroughs happen just seconds after we felt the urge to step in, but sometimes the child needs a small nudge.
We only step in if the child truly gives up, seems frustrated beyond their ability to cope, or asks for help. When we do, we don’t solve the problem for them, but give just enough support to help them continue. We might hand them something they need, like a puzzle piece, a button, or a crayon. We might offer a small hint, such as “Have you tried turning it this way?” Or we might briefly model an action, showing how to line up the puzzle pieces, then step back and let the child try. We keep the focus on what the child is doing, offering encouragement for their effort rather than taking over. This is how we help less, wait more, and give children the space to experiment, adjust, and discover solutions on their own.
🎉👏🎈
Helping less and waiting more isn’t about standing by; it’s about observing and letting children discover through trying what they can do on their own. Along with not rushing in to help, remember to quiz less and praise less.
