What happened exactly?
Base your judgments on facts, not assumptions.
Ever felt the frustration of misunderstandings that could have been prevented?
When we interact with others, things often get tangled up in untested assumptions and opinions instead of facts. Small misunderstandings can quickly snowball into bigger issues that damage trust and communication, so a good first step is to ask ourselves:
🤔 What happened exactly?
This question helps us focus on the concrete facts of situations rather than opinions about them. It is useful both for self-reflection and for handling all kinds of situations with others. Facts are objective details that can be directly observed or verified from reliable sources. These can include words, actions, tone of voice, pauses, and body language. Opinions, on the other hand, are subjective beliefs about those facts. Hearsay, guesses, or secondhand claims are not facts, even if they seem convincing.
For example, “You said you would pick me up at 7 p.m.” is a fact because it is a specific detail that has been observed, while “You don’t care about being on time” is an opinion. Similarly, “The dishes were still in the sink when I got home” is a fact, while “You are lazy” is an opinion.
Treating opinions as facts makes it harder to see situations clearly, often leading to poor decisions, unhelpful actions, or unnecessary tension. It also results in responses that are less fair, less reasonable, and less constructive, which escalates misunderstandings, conflict, and fuels frustration and defensiveness.
Investigating the concrete facts invites a focus on reality instead of blaming or assuming motives. For example, instead of assuming someone doesn’t care about being on time, we might find out the delay was due to heavy traffic. Similarly, rather than thinking someone is lazy because the dishes were still in the sink, we might discover they were helping a child with their homework. Investigating what actually happened creates space for calmer, clearer discussions. It’s also important to check our memory and perspective, since what we recall might be incomplete or influenced by our assumptions.
Treating opinions as facts is like trying to complete a puzzle without looking at the pieces. It’s also like a detective accusing someone without any evidence to support the claim.
Before responding or judging, we should check whether we’re reacting to what actually happened or to our interpretation of it. Focus only on what was seen, heard, or said, without adding assumptions. When others are involved, we can invite them to share exactly what they observed. This curiosity encourages honest dialogue and mutual understanding. Staying anchored in facts helps prevent misunderstandings and makes conversations fairer, clearer, and more productive. This fact-based approach also supports better decisions in everyday situations.
Next time you face a difficult interaction, ask yourself: What happened exactly? Then let the facts guide your response.
